


Christmas Spirits

by miera



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-06
Updated: 2010-08-06
Packaged: 2017-10-10 23:20:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miera/pseuds/miera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Paul's got a bit of the holiday blues and Daniel has a talk with him. Set during Season Four.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Christmas Spirits

Paul stepped quietly out the front door of Sam Carter's house. He went down the steps and stood in the walk, arms folded over his chest against the cold. It had been snowing this afternoon, but now the Colorado night sky was clear and sparkling in all its glory.

He sighed. It was impossible for him, and he suspected for anyone connected with the Stargate project, to look up at the stars with anything like innocence. He knew too much - they all knew too much - about just how much danger lurked among those tiny dots up there.

He looked down the street instead. The multicolored lights hanging from most of the houses were preferable. The light displays ranged from a tasteful array winding around the porch columns of Sam's immediate neighbor, to a downright garish combination of an illuminated Nativity on one lawn matched with a Santa and all eight reindeer on the roof of the same house. Paul wondered idly about the electric bill those people must be paying. He didn't even have a wreath on the door of his apartment back in D.C.

A car went by, the sound of the wheels abnormally loud in the utter silence of a winter night. There was no wind, which was good since the temperature was in the mid-20s, but even if there had been, there were no more leaves to rustle. It was barely a week before Christmas.

Paul could hear the muted sounds of the party going on inside. SG-1 had been granted two weeks of downtime after their most recent success at saving the world from yet another dire threat. That had been on Wednesday. Applying their usual ruthless efficiency, the four of them had thrown together a massive Christmas party in less than 48 hours, complete with a live tree, ornaments, lights, a roast turkey, cookies, and what Paul was certain was heavily spiked eggnog. Jack O'Neill had prepared the "nog" and that alone had been enough for Paul to stay away. Fortunately, Daniel had supplied a couple bottles of wine, which Paul trusted more than the eggnog.

He glanced over his shoulder. They were all in there, the four members of SG-1, General Hammond, Dr. Fraiser and her daughter, plus assorted other friends and colleagues. His colleagues, too, but Paul couldn't shake the feeling of being the odd man out. He was around the SGC enough to know everyone, but he was always the visitor from another planet, well, certainly another universe, one known as Official Washington. Planet Pentagon. It might as well be on a different planet sometimes, considering the gap between the day to day life at the SGC and the mindlessly mundane existence at the Pentagon.

Paul looked back up at the sky, almost in reflex. It was his job to bridge that gap, and he did his job as best he could. Sometimes he felt successful. Moments like this, though, standing outside the warm light of the house, he felt interstitial. Trapped in between two places and not fully invested in either.

He clearly heard the front door open, and Paul mentally prepared himself to put on his polite face. Then he glanced behind him as footsteps crunched down the steps and relaxed.

Daniel wandered over to him, hands stuffed in his pockets. "It's freezing."

Paul shrugged. "Below freezing, technically."

Daniel gave him a look. He stopped next to Paul and glanced up at the sky. "So what are you doing out here in the cold?"

Paul started slightly. It was a logical question, why any sane person walked out of a party to stand alone in the cold night without a jacket, but his rather maudlin thoughts just before Daniel had come out added a whole subtext to the statement that unnerved him. He stammered. "Oh, you know, crowded room, all that noise..."

"Three glasses of wine," Daniel added with a small grin.

Paul's face got hot. He had indeed downed three whole glasses of wine, automatically sipping to cover his awkwardness inside. Maybe that was why he was standing around in the winter cold feeling sorry for himself.

"You're going to have a hangover tomorrow," Daniel continued.

Paul nodded. "Yeah, probably." He searched for something to say. Somehow it was easier to conjure up meaningless chatter at the official Christmas parties in D.C. Probably because he wasn't concerned about getting along with anyone there, only not making a fool of himself. He didn't seem as capable of generating casual conversation around the SGC. "Have I missed anything in there?" he jerked his head towards the house.

"Jack promised Cassie he'll split the wishbone of the turkey with her. And we learned that General Hammond does not like marshmallows."

"Hunh. Takes all kinds, doesn't it?"

Daniel nodded. "So, are you going home for the holiday? I mean, once you get back to D.C.?"

"Yeah, I'm going to see my parents. And thankfully my brother and his wife and kids are going to be there over Christmas this year," he added, thinking of the interminable three days of watching college football that had been last year's visit. Daniel's eyebrows went up and Paul explained, "My mom will hopefully be too distracted spoiling the kids to interrogate me."

"What does she ask you about?"

"Oh, my job. And my love life. The one I can't tell her about because it's classified. The other, because it doesn't exist." Daniel smiled as Paul shook his head ruefully. "It'll be good to see the kids, though."

Daniel folded his arms over his chest, looking at the park across the street. Paul wanted to kick himself. Here he was rattling on about family and home to Daniel of all people, who hadn't had a family Christmas since the both of them were still young enough to wear feetie pajamas, probably. "You guys are all staying here, I assume?" He didn't bother elaborating on who he meant by "you guys."

"Yep. Teal'c's been talking about maybe bringing his wife and son here so they can see Christmas. Since we have the time off this year, he might do it." Daniel's mouth twitched. "Barring an unforeseen crisis, of course."

"Of course. And, really, what are the odds of that?" Paul asked sardonically. Daniel threw him a crooked grin.

Another car went by. Daniel looked up at the sky again. "I tried explaining the Christmas story to the people on Abydos," he said. Paul winced a tiny bit. Daniel's voice wasn't tragic, but there was a resigned sadness in it and knowing how much the man had lost, Paul couldn't help it.

"I had trouble trying to explain it some way it would make sense to them," Daniel went on. He shook his head. "It's hard for us to comprehend a human world where things like the Roman Empire, or even Christianity, never happened. And then, I couldn't help thinking about all the holes in mythology surrounding the Nativity, which made it harder to tell the story with a straight face."

"Holes?" Paul asked, curious. "What holes?"

Daniel snorted. "If the stories in the Gospels are accurate, Jesus was born in the middle of the spring. Shepherds didn't sit out in the fields all night with their herds except during the spring when they might need to assist with a birth. But, when the Romans converted, the Crucifixion was already on the calendar in the spring because of the convergence with Passover, so they put the Nativity in the middle of winter, conveniently alongside the festival of Sol Invictus."

Daniel looked at him expectantly. Paul didn't know Latin but he took a stab at it. "Victorious Sun?"

Daniel grinned. "Unconquerable Sun, actually, is closer. It was the solstice festival. There is a connection, I guess, the whole rebirth of the world out of darkness thing..." he waved his hands vaguely.

"What came to be through him was life / and this life was the light of the human race; / the light shines in the darkness, / and the darkness has not overcome it," Paul quoted softly. Daniel looked at him in surprise. "First verses of the Gospel of John. It's the reading at Christmas Day Mass. I used to be disappointed when I was a kid that they never actually read the Nativity story at church on Christmas."

"Well, the Romans placed Christmas alongside the solstice to make it easier to combine the pagan celebrations with the new religion and encourage conversion. That's where you get things like the Yule log and the Christmas tree."

"And Santa?"

Daniel's forehead scrunched up. "Actually, I don't know where Santa came from."

Paul fell silent, thinking about what Daniel had just said. "That's... I didn't realize it was so... manipulated."

Daniel gave him a long face. "Oops. Did I destroy the integrity of the holiday for you?"

"It'll never be the same again," Paul told him solemnly, trying and failing to hide a grin.

"Sorry." Daniel's smirk was anything but repentant. Paul rolled his eyes and gave him a gentle shove. The warmth he felt from Daniel's shoulder suggested he was really starting to get cold, but he was reluctant to go back inside just yet.

"So what are you doing out here in the cold?" Paul turned the tables with a vengeance.

It was Daniel's turn to get red in the face. He poked at some ice on Sam's walk with his shoe. "I needed some air," he hedged.

Paul wasn't buying. "Daniel?"

He sighed. "I just get a little claustrophobic sometimes. Even when I'm around people I love. I need some space, just for a minute." He rubbed at his arms. "Even if it means freezing my ass off."

"Oh," Paul took a half step towards the door. "Look, if you want to be alone for a minute, I understand--"

"No," Daniel put a hand on Paul's arm. "It's okay. I saw you leave, actually, and I thought maybe you get the same way."

Paul moved back next to Daniel. "Yeah. I mean, I get that too. Especially here."

"Paul," Daniel was obviously concerned. "If anyone made you feel unwelcome..."

"No. No, it's not that. Everyone here is polite, but... I don't know. I can't help feeling like an outsider." Now that the words had started, he couldn't seem to stop. Maybe it was the wine. "I mean, I don't work with you guys. I work for the Joint Chiefs. The enemy, at least to some of the people here."

Daniel's body stiffened. "Did Jack say something to you?"

"No, nothing like that," Paul assured him. "I just know that there are people in the SGC who are suspicious of any outsiders, and I absolutely don't blame them for it. They've got every reason to feel that way."

"You're not an outsider, Paul," Daniel said with quiet conviction. "You helped save us all during the foothold situation. That wasn't the first or the last time you were in the thick of things along with everyone else and they know it." Daniel put a hand on his shoulder. "And you were right there with me when I had to blow up the submarine with Jack and Teal'c still on it. I haven't forgotten that."

He looked up at Daniel, grateful for the support. "I guess your point is that I should be enjoying the fact that for once I can be around you without the world ending, huh?"

Daniel smiled, his hand squeezing Paul's shoulder, then sliding a little down his arm before dropping away. "Actually my point was, you aren't an outsider. You're part of this team."

Paul shivered slightly, from the night air or the certainty in Daniel's voice or the gentle touch on his arm, or all of the above, he wasn't sure. "Thanks," he rasped out, his throat suddenly dry, his eyes a little wet.

"Any time." Daniel looked right into his eyes, serious and intent. Paul shivered again and knew it had nothing to do with the temperature.

The front door opened behind them. "There you guys are." Jack O'Neill had a weird sixth sense when it came to finding lost sheep. "What are you doing out here? It's freezing."

"It's below freezing, actually," Daniel and Paul answered in stereo, grinning slyly at one another.

"Yeah, okay, whatever. Come in. Have some more nog to warm yourselves up." Jack stood, the door propped open, waiting for them.

The two of them turned and headed back towards the house. "He spiked the eggnog, didn't he," Paul muttered to Daniel.

"Oh yeah. More wine?"

Paul smiled as Daniel steered him into the house with one hand on Paul's back. "Why not? It's Christmas."


End file.
